: I am incredibly sick of people right now
Just last week I happened to be awake at 3 am and heard “go away, stop it” from outside my apartment window. Of course I was worried and wound up going outside with my cell phone and my pocket knife (the cell phone so I could pretend I was on it). I found a woman across the street, 18-20, somewhat drunk and trying to pull away from a guy claiming to be her boyfriend. After walking to the end of the block and back I sucked it up and stopped right next to them and asked her if she was okay. No. I asked if she knew him. Yes. I asked if he was her boyfriend. No. I asked if she wanted to go with him. No. I told her she could come with me. He wouldn’t let go of her arm and kept talking to her with the platitudes women are familiar with - come on baby, I’ll take you home, just hang out with me, we were having such a good time - and eventually he gave in after seeing I had my finger on the dial button, but he was vibrating on the spot and he was pissed. Then he kept talking to me with all the insults women are familiar with - bitch, cunt, stupid fucking slut, etcetera forever. And of course he went after her for “leading him on.” I got her in a cab from my front door and went so far as to make sure I didn’t turn on any lights when I went inside so he wouldn’t know that my apartment was on the basement level facing the street where he was standing.
But this isn’t a problem or anything.
A few months ago I was working late shifts at work and getting off at 3 am. I only live a few blocks from there, so I was walking home. This was when there was a series of attacks against women in my neighbourhood. Not rapes, but escalating attempts to harm women, involving choking. So yes, I was on red alert. A group of five men from the bars saw me walking home. They started calling out to me - again, with all the lines women are used to (that, by the way guys, are not in the least bit attractive) - hey baby, where you goin, come on just stay and chat, a pretty thing like you shouldn’t be going home alone, where do you live. I ignored them and walked faster, and they sped up to keep up with me. Five men in their 20s. Following me home, drunk, and getting progressively angrier that I wouldn’t talk to them. “Why the fuck you being so rude? We just want to talk, quit being such a frigid bitch.” *guffaw guffaw* “Baby come on slow down, have some coffee with us.” I walked even faster, still not talking to them. I have foot and knee injuries, so this was getting really painful and I couldn’t have broken into a run if I’d tried. They thought this whole thing was quite hilarious and quite rude of me, never mind that I’m the one being followed home by drunk strangers. I finally looped a block and backtracked to the main road, which is really well-lit, and plopped myself dead centre in the middle of the ambulance-police combo that is in front of one of the bars every Saturday night without fail.
But street harassment isn’t a problem or anything.
Walking down a bright road in daylight, men lean out of car windows and honk and cheer at me and my friends. This has been happening since I was 14. Many of them are stuck at the same light we are, so we spend a good two minutes listening to them ask us to flash them. “Just show us your titties, we’ll give you each $5!”
Going to a bar and getting my ass groped at the bar as a precursor to offering to buy me a drink. I don’t know if men think this is a demonstration of their sexual abilities, or what, but it happens all the time.
Walking home from Walmart at 10pm and having a guy walk by me say “nice titties” thinking I can’t hear him because I have headphones in. Worst of all, spinning in anger and having to keep my mouth shut, because it could get a lot worse really fast.
Being “accidentally” groped on buses and trains frequently (they say they’re stumbling and that’s where their hands end up, but come on: I’m on the same vehicle, there was no jolt, and even if their was my hands don’t wind up on them), and not being able to complain without everybody thinking you’re crazy.
Dancing at a bar and having a guy slide his hand down the front of my pants. And then getting thrown out for elbowing him and shoving him away from me.
Getting told to smile by strangers (always men), and being told to cheer up, like I owe them a certain mood.
Having a guy you slept with once sit outside your house for seven hours, and then try to follow you inside while you pretend not to notice his car, and then disregard your requests through the intercom to leave you alone. And then, when you finally call the police, having the policeman call you back to say “He’s leaving, but he sounded sincerely sorry. You shouldn’t be so hard on him, he sounds like a nice guy.” Yeah, give him your home address then.
Having male customers look you up and down like you’re on the menu, and not being able to slap the customer who grabs your ass while you’re cleaning tables because you’ll be fired.
Finding out your sister’s employer felt comfortable uttering threats to punch her in the face for accusing him of being unfair, and her not feeling like she could tell anybody.
Having my male boss feel like he can touch me, rub my shoulders, call me honey and sweetheart and baby, and him being right, he can do those things, because everybody calls you oversensitive if you complain about those things.
Being followed home numerous times, both on foot and by car, being forced to talk to the guy who sits next to you on the bus for 45 minutes straight, and since I couldn’t think of a non-threatening way not to give him my phone number, I did so that I could get away. It took him a year and a half to stop calling me. Being told I’m paranoid for carrying any kind of protection, and stupid for not protecting myself, I’m a misandrist for assuming the worst of strange men, and stupid for having a conversation, I’m rude for asking men to leave me alone, and stupid and weak for not being more direct and assertive. Being told to go out and have fun more, stop being so uptight, and having that thrown in my face when something happens, because if I had some morals and didn’t advertise myself as, I don’t know, being alive or something, nothing would have happened. Being told to give him a chance and then being told to stop leading him on. Having to know all of the escape routes on my way home, and sending staff to the dumpsters in pairs. Having it be a fucking brave thing to do to stand next to a girl so she can walk away from the guy trying to bully her into going home with him.
And then having to listen to people say, “You’re exaggerating. Men aren’t like that, quit trying to see the worst in people. Men get harassed too, just ignore them and walk away. It’s the same thing.” Listening to people just step right over the fact that if woman deems a guy creepy, she’s told she’s being too critical and she needs to lower her standards, but if a man deems a woman possessive, controlling, demanding, jealous, bitchy, clingy, psycho, on her period, whiny, or outright dangerous he’s commended on his standards and congratulated on a bullet deftly dodged.
How many women does it take to bring these things to light before people stop thinking we’re crazy, over-critical bitches?
no. i don’t accept any of the attitude in this post.
being an attractive girl in any way is a massive psychological burden. it carries with it the pressure from society to maintain it, and the truth that people will lie to you because of it.
these consequences are worded here in the post above. it’s ugly, and the weakness of people to look beyond these things is heart-breaking to say the least.
as much as i have and will sympathize with the poster, i do not like the generalizations, and i do not like the pedestal this person’s placed her problems on.
first, let’s begin with this: accepting the idea of genders, which this post is doing, is the same logic as what men use to objectify women. both rely on convincing themselves there is a difference, and that they both cannot be equal. that one is a certain way and the other is another.
of course there are physical differences. but that’s where it ends. the psychological differences begin when society takes root. when culture embeds bullshit.
both “genders” succumb to it, and here you have the ugly problems this poster’s talking about.
the point is that it’s irritating to see someone complain of being treated based on simply what they physically are, then turn around and generalize an entire group of people based on what they physically are. the men generalize you for being beautiful. and then you generalize them for being weak-minded. this does not solve any issues. it only perpetuates a cycle.
secondly, and this is unabashedly inflammatory, but what you’re experiencing is the everyday cruelties of people. this is what happens when people are deprived of emotional support. when they’re not told that what they feel is okay. people get ugly. they express this darkness as a result.
the thing is that these events which have scarred the poster are events that happen to everyone in some way. there is not a person alive who didn’t have to endure scrutiny for simply being who they are. there is not a person alive who wasn’t made to feel like shit for looking a certain way. and there’s not one person alive that didn’t have to endure the ugly words of strangers.
this poster’s experiences are saddening and worth listening to. but no, they do not deserve anymore attention or empathy than anyone else’s emotional tolls. it’s unfair to say they do. and this post reeks of an arrogance that says otherwise. we all go through this, in one way or another. and it hurts us just the same.
lastly, and probably more importantly, the issues this poster speaks about, like i mentioned earlier, are very niche. in other words, i doubt the ugly girl in class deals with this. i doubt the overweight girl receives this negative attention.
this post speaks like it’s some ubiquitous female issue, but it isn’t. it pretends to speak for all women, but it doesn’t.
being treated like meat is a circle of hell only attractive women have to bear. i’ve always thought it was unfair that the moment a group thinks you’re hot, you’re fucked. without choice you’ve been thrown under a massive spotlight where people will constantly remind you of how attractive you are, and, when you get older, how attractive you aren’t. both explicitly, through glares and words, and implicitly, through fake friends who disappear, and the sudden drop in attention from all but the most fair-minded men. it’s a painfully unique burden. but it is just that. unique. it can’t be used as a platform for all women, because society only considers some women attractive. this consideration is what causes the problems this poster mentions.
if you’re not the some, this post cannot apply to you.
the point is that your issue is not just limited to being a pretty girl who’s subject to unfair scrutiny by lowly men. it’s about humans being weak-minded, and being unable to accept what issues they have. because it’s not men who do this to you. it’s people. people who don’t know better. have not been taught better. people who have pushed everyone away so far that they never learn better. we all deal with these people. we all have scars because of these people. you are not the only one. and your being a woman doesn’t mean the scars are deeper, it just means they’re inflicted differently.
and please, don’t speak for or against an entire group of people. you don’t know everyone.
until my point is understood and put to use, i’ll never respect attitudes like the one in this post. it’s a part of what divides us. shit needs to stop.
(via amberroseburr)
the idea of striking seems to have caught on, as even the usually deflated McDonald’s workers have rallied themselves a pride to shout with.
they’re complaining about the following:
“part-time work, contingent work, the inability to have control over one’s schedule … essentially no protections, and even where there’s existing protections, they’re not enforced … They don’t even approach living wage jobs,” and for most workers, “there are absolutely no benefits.”
does this sound familiar? because it’s practically the reality for anyone without a college-born job.
and in particular, those of us a bit too young to experience what actual, professional work is like.
most of us read that paragraph and relate to it. then quietly we wonder, “well, my job is shit like this. why aren’t we striking?”
one of the greatest quotes to describe the culture behind American working life was said by John Steinbeck. pretty sure you’ve read it by now:
“…the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.”
this mindset is cultivated from the very start of life in america (assuming you’re not already born into the upper class). it begins first with your struggling parents, who tell you of their origins. it’s reinforced later by teachers who were fortunate enough to live their dream of teaching but fail to tell you the financial slavery they’re deeply embedded in.
it’s later supplemented by the pop culture you idolize. shows, movies, and music of hard-working protagonists who struggle deeply until achieving whatever it is they desire. and they always achieve.
when you’re finally cognizant enough, the politicians will make sense to you. you will hear their fabricated tales of rags to riches, believe their immaculate speeches about hardships, and be moved by their thrilling conclusions. these conclusions are the same for either a party; work hard, be nice, achieve your dreams.
the cement has solidified and the pillars stabilized; you now believe you can become anything you want. you just have to work hard. you have to struggle.
that is always the condition, isn’t it. to struggle. that you can’t get what you want until you struggle.
this is where america fails.
the thing to ask is what exactly is “working hard”? what exactly is “struggle”? there’s a lot of things to struggle with. a lot of ways to “work hard”. “struggling” could be just remembering to wake up on time. “working hard” for some is as simple as completing the last paragraph of an essay for class. but these aren’t really the things that come to mind.
no, “struggle” and “working hard” usually conjures images of mind-numbing work, and soul-breaking atmospheres. to do things you don’t like with people who don’t respect you. for money that has no value to purchase things that don’t matter.
they tell us that “working hard” is what will make us succeed. but who exactly defines that? because if it remains that undefined, then aren’t we susceptible to doing anything? isn’t easy to make people do things they shouldn’t be doing in environments they shouldn’t be standing for if you just tell them “well, this is ‘working hard’”? that “we all have to ‘struggle’”?
america’s sacred clause is a very clever way to remove pride while pretending to instill it. to ask you to lose dignity while suggesting that you’re gaining it. do things you don’t want to. sacrifice precious time for common shit. compromise personal aspirations for a business you don’t own and never will.
it is easy to dismiss this with a simple #firstworldproblems. and it is. but i’d rather “struggle” on my own terms. “work hard” in the ways i choose to. the “first world” does not offer that.
