we neglect just how much pain is required to make a person attractive to us. as in, for someone to be attractive, they’ll have to have endured a certain amount of emotional/physical toil. it varies from person to person, but generally if you’ve gone through more shit, you will be seen as more attractive.
i don’t think people are naive. i think they’re aware of this. but only in glimpses. and then this sort of sadistic standard for beauty is tucked away when we’re wrapped up in how much we like someone.
and then we wonder why shit’s fucked up.
i’ve noticed a strange habit in the way men approach doing things in general.
by “doing things”, i don’t mean simple daily habits. i mean things that define someone’s legacy. things that will make or break your life’s success. as much as men have a tendency to preach objectivity, they take an oddly spiritual approach to these matters.
ever notice how often they mention “heart” or “soul”, or just exemplify how much all-around desire’s involved in what they do or what someone else does?
it makes it very clear that men operate on the basis of not just results, but what effort was made in the field someone is trying in. whether or not their “soul” was in it. there is, of course, several ways to interpret this. but we’ll look at just two.
the first is the negative spin. i believe the reason why men make such an emphasis on effort over result is because they have experienced wretched failure despite truly caring to succeed. but their failures came not from a lack of care, but simply because they weren’t good at what they were doing. this indicates a sort of denial; that despite failing, they want to be rewarded as though they’ve succeeded, simply on the merits of their effort.
this is objectively stupid if the end result produced nothing good. this means that at the core of every man is a desire not necessarily to succeed, but simply not to disappoint. not even necessarily fail, just not disappoint. if a man comes out of an effort feeling like they’ve disappointed whomever they strove to please, then they’ll accept it as a failure. this, too, includes themselves. if they’re disappointed in themselves, then they might as well have not done anything.
the positive spin is that men are especially inclined to “win” at all costs. this is the passion we see men express more boldly then women. let’s use hip-hop music as an example, since it is one of the few artistic fields where all the artists are encouraged to brag. it goes without saying male artists will write about both financial, sexual, and lifestyle successes, and rarely do they mention their lowest moments. female rappers sometimes do this, but often they express moments in their lives, not necessarily the financial or sexual result of those moments.
this is because men make such an “effort” at what they do, placed so much into doing it, and succeeded. then, when they have succeeded, they will be more than prepared to express the rewards of their “efforts”. this even comes out in day-to-day purchases, for example, how men are more inclined to buy high-end technology and equipment, while sitting or sleeping in hand-me-down furniture, and a sweater that remains a week unwashed.
i don’t think i have to explain how chicks differ from this.
what this ultimately manifests is the patent “manly” personality. stoic facial reactions, monotone voice, and words carefully placed, speaking mostly when they need to or if it’s helpful. this is because a man’s persona is dedicated to avoiding disappointment, and this is best executed if all efforts, even the smallest things like talking, are sparingly made. this is also why we view those who talk often as “confident”, because they speak constantly and unabashedly, meaning they believe they will not disappoint in almost anyway.
it is all, however, a bit sad. it reminds me that we were all kids once. and that as much as we tell ourselves we’re removed from that time, men still, and always will, look for that approving pat on the head.