what is the place for someone who just wants to watch. observe the events, occasionally feign being apart of it, and just digest the actions and reactions of others. where does someone go to be accepted for this.
i’m okay with watching someone i admire through their myriad social networks. a pretty face through a virtual flipbook. i think it’s nice. i’m satisfied with just that.
i feel like society wouldn’t be, but then again i don’t really know. i don’t know how much of it is just us thrusting ourselves into things we don’t like. not to mention i don’t subscribe to society enough to definitively know. i get the catalogs, but i don’t buy anything.
thoughts like these lend itself to suicide well but i’m not that kind of person. this blog, with its dreary tone and previously monotone colors, can be pretty taxing on the optimism, but i’m not really pessimistic. nor am i melancholic. i guess remorseful is a bit more the word. if only because this blog, unlike what most tumblrs are, is my unheard voice. the only means of direct transmission for the soft-spoken observations i’ll make but never say.
i wish i could be more like i am in person here, but it just never happens on the internet. 12 years of playing internet personas has caused some default kind of dichotomy in my head. it’s not schizophrenic since these are my actual thoughts but it’s not very representative of the person i appear to be in real life.
and i kind of need it anyway. if there’s one thing i know of society, it’s that quiet observations aren’t entertaining. the standard of small talk is usually small experiences like movies and shit. i don’t think anyone really wants to talk about that, but i think people are scared to get into random in-depth philosophical stuff. like what politics has become; a kind of pariah that you shouldn’t mention unless you’re willing to lose connections over it.
but there’s no small talk for me. there is only talk. this doesn’t mesh well with the standards.
i don’t hate society for it. i’m a firm believer in doing whatever you feel like, and that everything’s okay and never directly anyone else’s fault. this includes things i don’t like. so since this is what society is that’s fine. i don’t like it but it’s whatever really.